December 15, 2024
by James Leonard Bautista, AMT
When Roads Crossed: Ang Henerasyong Umamin at Iniwan
Not all plants could grow in the same soil…
Still fresh, still bothered. I am still in the process of rebuilding myself again. First time? Fifth time? I lost track already. I really thought that it could be easier the next time around. Whenever I open social media apps like Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, and even X (formerly Twitter)? I can see the sweetest posts, and it gives me that sudden, piercing ache — right here (points to the heart). What’s the secret?
Sa buhay, sa minsang pag-amin ay minsan ring hudyat upang maiwan. (Have you been in a phase of bravely confessing your feelings only to be left behind?) It’s a mix-and-match here: a POV of shared experiences and lessons learned. It’s always not easier said than done. Sometimes, we are just being left without hearing any words or reasons why they have done that to us. Like a road sign, it is there for us to be reminded that something is coming our way. But for love? It sometimes won’t work according to our will. It will come unexpectedly; it will come naturally. It may be a road full of uncertainties, it may be full of hows and whys, but it is there to tell us that love is there to remind us that if ever you will crumble in pain, at the end of the day, it will give you lessons for you to keep for yourself and continue in life regardless of how severe is the pain and how painful is your stumble.
Love and Selflessness: Ikaw na ba si Mr./Ms. Right?
Love often starts with the purest intentions. Imagine loving someone so deeply that you pour your entire heart and soul into the relationship. It’s easy to lose yourself in the process, thinking that selflessness is the ultimate act of love. Love? It teaches us to care deeply and put another person’s needs above ours. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? To love so selflessly. But here’s the thing: the line between selflessness and self-neglect is often blurred. You pour everything into the relationship, hoping that your sacrifices will be enough to hold it together. Ang pagmamahal na nagbibigay ng lahat, minsan ay nauuwi sa pagkalimot sa sarili. (This selflessness, while beautiful, can sometimes lead to losing yourself.) Do not rush – love takes time. Or is it something that you’ll risk to discover the possibilities for yourself? Walang masamang sumubok. (It is not bad to try.) But always expect the consequences. Learn the art of accountability. At least you have tried.
Heartbreak and Healing: Ang Walang Kasawaang “Back to Phase 1”
Heartbreak is a tough pill to swallow. When someone you love leaves, it feels like your world has crumbled. Pero sa kabila ng sakit, may aral na dala ang bawat pagdurusa at sa bawat pagdurusa’y nagigising ka. (There are lessons learned behind every hurt and pain.) It does feel like you are drowning in a sea of sorrow, and no matter how hard you try to stay afloat, the waves keep pulling you under. You lie awake at night, replaying every moment, every word, every mistake. You wonder what you did wrong and why your love wasn’t enough, reminding you of your sacrifices and unanswered prayers. But heartbreak forces us to confront our fears, insecurities, and most importantly, our sense of self-worth —an awakening that reshapes our core. It’s a reset button, but you already learned the next time.
Self-Love: The Foundation of Finding Love in Yourself
Loving yourself is not selfish; it’s essential. Hindi mo maibibigay ang wala ka. (You cannot give what you don’t have.) Taking care of yourself sets the standard for how others should treat you. Self-love means recognizing your worth, setting boundaries, and understanding that you deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are, not just what you can give. It’s a difficult process to master, but it’s worth it in the end.
Sa lubos na pagkilala natin sa ating sarili, balikan mo yung mga panahong pilit mong binuhat ang sarili mo; kahit pagod, kahit mahirap, tinapos mo diba? Hindi mo man naipanalo minsan, pero kumusta ang naging prosesong pinagdaanan? Kaya huwag mo sabihing “okay na lang”.
Never neglect the process of building your best self, only to be infiltrated by someone who will ruin your way of improving. It’s not working anymore? Are you not growing anymore? Leave. Willing to wait for someone who truly deserves your love and who you truly deserve as well. It is a “give and take” and will never be one-way. Nagawa mo namang hinatayin ang napakahabang pila sa resto diba? Kasi gusto mo? Kasi deserve mo? Willing to wait?
Healing from Selflessness: Okay lang na maiwan minsan,
Andyan pa naman si Self
Ang pagmamahal nang sobra-sobra ay hindi laging tama. True love starts with self-respect and healthy boundaries. When you lose yourself in a relationship, it’s crucial to take a step back and find your footing. Healing is a process—mahirap, pero kinakailangan. It’s about forgiving yourself for your mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward with a stronger sense of self. You learn that noble selflessness should never come at the cost of your happiness and well-being. You start to understand the importance of setting boundaries, of knowing your limits. You realize it’s okay to say no and put yourself first. This journey is about reclaiming your power, rebuilding your life, and rediscovering your joy. Mahirap man ang daan, pero mas pipiliin mo bang tahakin yung dulong sarado’t hindi kailanman magbubukas? It’s full of what-ifs. The path ahead is scary and exciting at the same time. Especially if labels aren’t there? There’s really no assurance that you’ll end up the “Happily Ever After” way. You have the option to wait. You have the option to stay. But, it’s up to you, if one day, that person leaves, you have nothing to do but to move forward. Will you cry? That’s okay. That’s valid. Pat your back, step out, and enjoy the sunshine outside.
The Life-Changing Lesson: Willing to wait po, Mamser!
Ultimately, the most important lesson we can take from these experiences is to love yourself first. When you know your worth, you attract the kind of love that respects and cherishes you. True love doesn’t ask you to lose yourself; it invites you to grow alongside someone who values and respects you. Never rush anything. Lahat hindi minamadali. Everything is about timing. Baka sa kakamadali mo, madapa ka ulit, masaktan. Worth it mag-antay. You’ll enjoy the process; you’ll learn from the process.
Heartbreak often leaves us with many unanswered questions. But in seeking these answers, we find ourselves. We learn that love, in its truest form, begins within. We learn that our worth isn’t determined by someone else’s ability to love us but by our own ability to love ourselves. If it will take you weeks, months, or years to move forward, to be alone, and to be in the “love yourself first” phase, that’s okay. You do not need to force anything. You do not need to rush anything. The world will not stop if you cannot find a partner, someone you can talk to, or someone you can share your life with asap. Huwag mong sirain yung bagay na nagdadala sa’yo ng saya, ng kapayapan. If being alone in the meantime gives you peace, then enjoy that phase; enjoy the pace.
When roads cross, and people come and go, your journey of self-discovery and self-love continues. Embrace it. Learn from it. And most importantly, keep loving yourself.
In the end, remember that love is a beautiful, complex, and sometimes painful journey. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns. But through it all, it’s a journey worth taking. Each heartbreak, each moment of joy, each lesson learned shapes you into the person you are meant to be. Huwag mong hanapin, darating yan. Huwag mong hanapin, ikaw lang rin ang masasaktan kapag pinipilit mo yan. Hindi porke’t mag-isa ka, malungkot. Hindi porke’t wala kang kasama, hindi na masaya. Walang pinilit – perfect timing lahat.
Not all plants could grow in the same soil. But plants will sometimes thrive, even on the harshest soils, when taken care of – watered, shaded, cultivated. You can still grow and thrive even from the hardest downfalls.
May the journey resonate with you. Life’s about learning and growing, even through the toughest times. Stay strong, and keep loving yourself!