September 18, 2020
by: Zette Saquian
All of us may have experienced LOVE, but in time we will realize what love truly means. There are many types of love, such as philia (Affectionate love), pragma (Enduring Love), eros (Romantic Love), and many more. Love can be simple, but it can be quite complicated as well when things don’t go accordingly. Love has no boundaries and has no exact definition because you’ll never know when it’ll hit you. Love is something so powerful that can bind us all. So powerful that it can break down walls and give you strength and courage to move forward each day, but love can also bring pain and sadness. This is why even though love may be a beautiful thing, we should also learn how to protect our hearts and ourselves from drowning of love. To spice things up this pandemic, let us talk about the different situations in love that we can all relate to.
A type of love that can be considered as puppy love or a love that may focus on interests and physical appearances. For example, having a crush on your classmate because they’re good at certain things or because they’re handsome or pretty. We all have gone through this, the crazy feeling deep inside that we just can’t control whenever they’re around, especially when you get to spend time with them. Crushing can be temporary or can develop into a more serious thing. Psychologists say that the longest time that you can have a crush on someone is four months, and if ever the feeling that you’re having for someone exceeds that time, well you better get ready for the things that may happen in the future because you might not be crushing anymore, you might be in the state of “being in love”.
Crushing is a temporary state and can change from time to time, or can even be felt for many individuals. It’s more of an attraction rather than the serious concept of love, but even if it’s a temporary thing, we can’t help but feel inspired or feel butterflies in our stomachs, right?
Mutual Understanding or MU
The type of love that is a bit more serious than crushing. This is the type that is shared by two people or people who have mutual feelings, but there’s no assurance that things may go the distance for this type. This can be a temporary thing as well or can lead to a more sophisticated and serious one. Let’s take yourself as an example, you have feelings for a certain person and that individual secretly likes you back as well, but how will things work out if none of you dares to confess? This is sometimes the reason why this type of love ends up not having a romantic path due to the fear of rejection making things harder for both parties and ending up just dismissing this or bottling the feelings.
What if one of them confesses? Then things might work out if the other person involved will accept and return that person’s feelings as well, but the decision is theirs if they’ll pursue the serious type of love or just let their status remain as is, meaning they’ll continue liking each other and do romantic things together or so, yet not having any label. This leads us to the next situation, which is Walang Label.
Walang Label (No Label)
This type can be connected with MU as discussed earlier, but this can also be achieved even without having mutual feelings. How? Well, this type is a complicated one because even without mutual feelings, just casual flirting can initiate this type. It can be one-sided and the other party might just play along with the flirting (ouch!) or can be done without even having deep feelings for each other, just a temporary fling or a playful love without having the intentions of committing to each other while doing romantic stuff together. The most painful part of this type is when one of them ends up falling deeply in love without the assurance of being loved back and earning a label. This situation may end up worse once the other party will take it as a joke or just reject the idea of diving deeper into love with the person who fell for them.
But sometimes, it can end happily or maybe in a less painful way which will be discussed in the next type of situation.
If things didn’t go smoothly with your fling, well this might be one of the less painful ways out while still having contact or interaction with them. Yes, it might not be the best way and might be hard to accept, but if you truly love someone and if you respect yourself, then you’ll just have to deal with this. It’s not really that bad once you realize that love is not just about roses and chocolates, but it also needs respect and courage to deal with this kind of outcome.
Friendzone can also occur between close friends, either misconception or are not into a commitment just yet. For instance, you’ve mistaken your close friend’s actions as a romantic one, and these recurring situations made you misunderstood his or her intentions and you end up being in love with your best friend and tried to confess, just ending up disappointed and ashamed with yourself because you were too foolish to believe that a simple act of love for you was just an act of kindness for them (major heartache alert!). Another example for this is if the person you’re interested with is not ready for commitments just yet and has things or priorities to settle first even though they also do feel the same for you, but because you’re in love and you respect his or her decisions, you end up accepting being friend-zoned. But we can’t deny the fact that we still hope for chances in the future, right? So to save yourself from getting hurt, even more, confirm it with that person because we don’t want any false hopes, right? (bawal paasa!). But if you’re scared of ruining your friendship, then it’s up to you to whether just snap out of it or just keep it to yourself.
Kathang Isip (One-Sided Love or Imaginary Love)
Another outcome of either a crush or Walang Label. I used the song title Kathang Isip by Ben&Ben because the song simply described a one-sided love or an imaginary love of a person for someone. This type of situation is one of the most painful events. You fell deeply in love with someone though deep down you know that there’s no chance that one day he or she might feel the same way for you because you believe that love will make them realize how they meant to you, you end up pursuing them even if it’s hurting and breaking you apart. Even if you have to see them with someone else, you continue loving them and hurting yourself at the same time. You still hold on to that single thread of hope and continue to love them even if it means losing yourself.
Even if you love someone so much, there is a limit to how much you must endure for that someone. Why hold on if you know deep down and that person is showing you that there is no chance? That your dream of becoming a couple is impossible? Why? Don’t lower yourself so much if it only meant for you to drown in sorrow and pain. Remember, love may be wonderful, but if it isn’t meant for you, don’t chase it. Love should not be a play of tag, where you have to chase someone you know that will never love you back. Instead, rid of yourself from this mindset and wait for the person that is destined for you and while doing so, build yourself to become someone stronger and more faithful. When the time comes, you won’t have to cry and suffer anymore because the right person will never leave you nor let you suffer alone.
This one is more on the virtual side of romantic situations like texting, chatting on social media, and so on, but it can also happen in real life. What happens in this kind of situation? Well, this is when you’re talking to someone online or even in real life and things get heated like feelings are starting to grow and both of you are romantically treating each other giving you hope that something might come out of it, but unfortunately, you end up being ghosted (pinaasa at nawala na parang bula). That person suddenly disappears from your life, no trace at all, and no reason why they did so. Painful, right? Like you’ve invested so much time talking and getting to know each other, sometimes even have plans on doing things together, but everything ends being just a plan because he or she ended up leaving with no trace. Leaving you with disappointment and a scar.
What makes this worse is when they come back after a long time of disappearing on you and reopen those scars that they’ve inflicted and acted like they did nothing wrong. So you end up contemplating on what to do or what to say, but what I advise is for you to stay calm and think before you say things that might end up sparking an argument or so.
It won’t be easy, but if you know what’s best for you then you’ll be able to decide whether to continue keeping contact or just ghost them as well (have him or her get a taste of his or her own medicine).
Imahe (Brought by fate, but never destined)
Now this one is a twist of fate. When both of you have invested so many feelings and time for each other, almost like a soulmate, but fate took another turn and things didn’t turn out the way both of you wanted. It’s like picturing a future and love with someone, only to find out and realize that you were never meant for each other. If we put in a Mathematical term, it is called a “Tangent line”, where two lines had one chance to be together but ended up parting ways forever (saklap!). The title even entails this statement, a picture of love and falling out of love. If you describe a photograph if taken care the color and details of the picture remain, but if disregarded and forgotten, then the colors you once knew, will fade slowly in time, just as love does.
A lyric from the song Imahe by Magnus Haven summarizes this topic. “Pinagtagpo ngunit hindi tinadhana”, four simple words, yet painful and is part of reality in love. What we thought was the one is sometimes isn’t meant to be. What we thought of a happy ending, was just a taste of ecstasy and happiness, and now we have to endure looking at the person we once loved, love someone else. Now, this is what we call a major turn of events. Love is tricky and complicated, but even so, it’s still worth it.
TOTGA or The One that Got Away. This is almost the same as Imahe, but this usually happens when love is taken for granted. Happens when one of you takes of advantage of the other for so long that no matter how patient and understanding they were with you, they ended up faltering and slowly getting tired of everything you’re doing with them. They snapped out of the relationship that never even once showed any signs of assurance and love for them. For instance, pushing them away, comparing them with other people or with your exes, treating them that they’re not enough, making them feel like a toy or something worthless to you. You never realized that you lost someone who would have gone against the world with you and even bring you the moon just to prove how much they love you.
Selfishness and fear, two things why you ended up hurting that innocent person who only wanted to love you and prove to you that they’re different from your past relationships, but it was too late for you to realize the mistake, and in return, you lost that someone who would’ve given you a happier and exciting life, someone who would’ve been your Knight in Shining Armor and someone who would’ve loved you tirelessly. Yes, love is patient and love is kind, but sometimes when you know it’s too much to handle and things aren’t going well even for so long of being together, no matter how much you try and hold on, we’ll still end up getting tired. Sometimes, to save ourselves from further pain and disappointments, we just have to let go and let them be happy even if it meant removing you from the picture. Even if it meant molding and creating a better version of them for someone else.
This type of relationship focuses on virtual or the internet only. You never met nor talked face to face in real life. This one is more observed on dating sites or even on Facebook and other social media. In this situation, there are two outcomes either you end up meeting in person and work things out like ending up in a marriage or so, or it can end in a rather disappointing turn like breaking up without even having the chance of meeting each other in real life.
This is similar to LDR or Long Distance Relationship, but the difference is that you don’t know them personally nor have spent time with them in real life. It’s all just through the internet. This type of relationship needs hardcore patience and trust since you both don’t know much about each other yet and doubts could raise at any moment, which is pretty difficult to handle especially if one of you had an unpleasant virtual relationship in the past. So for this to work, mutual trust, patience, and respect are needed.
LDR (Long Distance Relationship)
LDR or Long Distance Relationship is rampant these days due to the pandemic. Your common routine of going out with your partner or just hanging out and spending time with them is now must be put on hold because of the virus. This one is the type of relationship wherein you know each other personally and dated in real life before going through this phase.
LDR can be hard especially when you got used to spending most of your time with the love of your life, but all you can do to ease this longing is to call, video call, or chat to prevent yourselves from ever contracting the virus and end up differently instead. LDR also needs trust and patience for it to work. It’s not really that hard if you believe that things will work out and that not even a virus can stop your love from reaching each other. Well, if you’re stubborn enough to break rules and go to the extent of meeting your partners, then be sure to take responsibility for whatever this may cost. This is certainly hard, but for the sake of safety and other priorities that both of you can benefit, you just have to trust each other and wait for the time that you will be able to hold each other again.
Now, this type of love blossomed amidst the pandemic. The love that was realized during the pandemic. A love that was too shy to confess months before this chaos started. It might be funny because some may say that if it wasn’t for the pandemic, our love wouldn’t have been realized nor have blossomed. But despite all of this, love is still love, no matter how long it took or how it began. This is one of the strongest and challenging types of love. After all, it takes immense patience to be able to work things out especially because it’s hard to date in real life these days due to the virus. You have to invest in time, trust, and even money for data or load just to be able to hear their voices and spend time with them even if it’s just online for now.
Despite all of these challenges, if you truly love each other, things will get better and your love will conquer all. No matter how hard or how long it’ll take, if you love each other, nothing will break you down. Distance may be a barrier, but it’s never a problem if two hearts are connected as one.
Fictiophilia (Love for fictional characters)
Since the pandemic started, most people do these days are watching movies, videos, cartoons, and anime. Some may read books to pass time and just get lost in their imaginations. Now, fictiophilia may occur, especially to those individuals who are into anime. These people tend to fall in love with anime characters because they found characteristics that they never found in real-life people. They tend to fall in love and get lost in a fantasy together with their fictional partners. It is undeniably true since there are loads of people who really do fall in love with fictional characters. It may be funny for some, but hey, they never did anything wrong, right? But beware to those who have plans of dating such people because some of them may have anime standards that you have to surpass to get their affection. At the end of the day, you can never marry an anime character (sorry, but no hard feelings. Peace out!).
The most powerful love of all. You can never truly say that you’re in love if you’ve never tried loving yourself first. If self-love isn’t present, then things will hold you back from ever loving purely and honestly. You have to know your self-worth and responsibilities. This begins when you finally learned to accept who you are and who you were in the past. Things may not have been pretty or desirable in the past, but if you want to move forward to a better life, for a better chance, you have to love yourself first. It is the only way of guarding your heart to whatever heartache or heartbreak you will go through in life. Yes, pain may be inevitable, but by thinking about your well-being first, you will be able to cope up with any challenge you may face in the future.
It may be hard and it may complicate things, but if you put your trust in the Lord and let Him guide you, sooner or later you’ll realize that you are worth loving and you’re beautiful inside and out. Don’t let your past hold you back, let go and accept who you are. You’ll never truly know the real meaning of self if you will never try to love your flaws and accept your mistakes. Before you dive further in love, make sure you’re ready. Don’t be afraid, no one can ever judge you for who you are, but Him alone. Trust in Him and slowly heal and learn to love yourself. For true love starts from within.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8