Coping Up From  A Break-Up: Glow Up and Grow Up

August 15, 2021

by Zette Saquian

Being in a relationship means being able to understand and support your partner whenever you both need each other. It means being able to grow, learn, and hustle together to reach your goals and plans in life. Relationships must have a strong foundation of respect, love, understanding, faithfulness, and honesty. It shouldn’t be shallow nor brittle could easily break just because of minor nuisance and problems. It should be strong enough to hold on to the plans and promises you both made, strong enough to withstand storms and wrecks that would come along as time goes by. Love is not about attachments and attractions, it’s more than that. It’s about acceptance, empathy, maturity, respect, and consistency. Relationships are wonderful, it helps you grow and understand more about what love and life truly are, but it can also be painful and depressing when things turn into something we fear the most.

Romantic relationships tend to be motivating and happy during the early stages, but things can easily change when real personalities and characteristics slowly reveal themselves. It can change how your partner sees you. Either they’ll continue and stay because they understand and are willing to go to the depths to help you get out of the situations and wars within you, or they’ll choose to let go and forget everything you’ve had because they’re not able to cope up and chose to stay in their comfort zones and continue living as if love is just as easy as ABC. There are so many circumstances as to why relationships don’t work, but the main reason is because of the foundation they have. You can say that you love someone so much, but tend to ignore them when they need you. You can promise someone a happy marriage in the future but tend to forget what really matters in a relationship. You can tell your partner that you’d never leave them, but end up turning your back against them when things turn differently. There is so much you can say to the person you’re with, but too little to prove that if the foundation is not as strong as your words could be. You can easily believe words of promise when you love someone, but it hurts most when you know that it’s only left in words and nothing more. Love shouldn’t be like that. It shouldn’t be as shallow as mere words. It should be kept and proven through actions and efforts. It doesn’t have to be spectacular, doesn’t have to be elegant, because in love, even the small things matter. Love isn’t defined by gifts and surprises, but the effort and time you’ve given to the person you love and who loves you.

Sadly, not everyone understands the real meaning of love. People tend to misinterpret it as something happy and fun all the time, when in fact love is when you know that no matter how hard the situation is between you and your partner you’d never give up on the love you both promised and started. It is usually mistaken as attraction and attention, but it’s not. Love can break boundaries, can heal heartaches and problems, can conquer fears, and can save a life. But because not everyone understands the real meaning of love, partners tend to break up and leave everything behind as if it weren’t once important to them. Breakups are hard and painful, especially to the person who’s still fighting for it, who’s still holding on and waiting for another chance. It feels like the end for that person. Motivation, interests, and trust slowly fade. It hurts more when you find out that it was only a minor reason, yet your partner chose to leave and let go of everything you’ve had. Some people tend to suffer and have a hard time accepting and moving on because they believed that it was real, that it was their answered prayers, but end up getting frustrated disappointed, and hurt. There’s nothing more painful than expecting the love you thought was true was just a mere fantasy and temporary. It’s not easy when you’ve loved someone so much that you end up losing yourself when they eventually leave.

Though breakups are painful and difficult to handle, people should still understand that it’s not the end of their lives. It’s just the end of a chapter in one’s story. Though it is hard to let go of someone who once was your world and your love, you should still realize that nothing will happen if you’ll just stay depressed and suffer from the failed relationship you had. You should know your worth and what you deserve. It’s not easy letting go of the memories because you keep on remembering them every day even though you just want to forget, but instead of being bitter about it, slowly try to accept and let go. Try to be happy not because it ended, but because you once felt and experienced a love that you never had even if it meant losing that person in the end. Don’t let the pain drown you and make you even more miserable. Learn to slowly stand up, grow, and accept that the things we want will not always be ours to keep. Sometimes they’re lessons for us to understand and learn. Lessons that would help us heal and grow to become better. Slowly realize that you’re worthy of something more, of someone who’ll never give up and would stay with you through thick and thin. Someone who’ll wait and be patient enough to understand and empathize with the feelings you have and the problems you’re facing, and in turn you do the same as well. Relationships should be worked on by partners, not alone. Learn to be happy slowly and surely, don’t let the pain bring you down. You’re worthy of the love you gave, worthy of the things that people may have said you’re not. Slowly let go of the person, though it is hard, you shouldn’t force something when you know it is no longer there. Hoping and forcing it would only make things worse for both of you, especially for you. We can’t force something to happen, we can’t force them to come back just because we still want and love them. They have their reasons as to why they did that. Reasons that only they know and will be left as a mystery to the person still waiting.

Despite all the pain and hardships from the failed relationship, learn to stand up and grow. Realize what matters most and understand that your love story might have ended, still, it made you once happy and contented. It made you believe that love is wonderful and the most powerful thing of all. If it’s still painful then feel it, don’t deny or hide it. Feel it until it’s no longer there. Until you finally free yourself from the pain and the sorrow. Remember who you were before them, remember your worth, and remember that it’s not the end, it’s only a lesson to be learned. You are stronger than you think, don’t let the pain of the breakup demotivate you. As the saying goes: “As one door closes, another one opens.” There’s a reason for everything that has happened and you just have to realize the importance of it. If one day you’ll be given a chance to be with that person again, think carefully and understand what really matters to you. Let them show you how they truly love you and decide not just because of love, but for yourself. Never settle on someone or something when you know it’s not good for you even if you love that person. Learn to love and accept, especially yourself. Free yourself from grief, pain, and hatred. Remember that everything was meant to happen because of the choices we’ve made. You can never change what is meant to be if none of you are willing to change and work for it. So when you love, love truly and unconditionally. Remind yourself why you chose the person and why you started it. Never let minor things break and tear you apart. Love shouldn’t be like a river, shallow and flowing. It should be like the ocean, deep and true.

 

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”

– Paulo Coelho